Natural Social Skills

When was the last time you started a conversation with a group of seated women in a social environment like a bar or party? A couple? A group of five or more women? A group with six guys and one woman? A group of all guys? One dude standing alone?

If you answered “not recently” or “not ever”, you are missing out on all kinds of possibilities, not just the possibility of meeting a great woman.

It seems to me there are at least two major schools of thought in this game. The first, and possibly more popular, is the “target the hot girls and deal aggressively with potential threats from other guys.” Personally, I find this approach tiresome, difficult and not a lot of fun. My goal is to have a rich and varied social life and to get to know the myriad of fascinating people in the world.

The other philosophy is “let’s find the interesting and fun people and include them in our party.” Those of you who do this or who have seen others do it know: where the fun is, the hot girls will follow.

There’s more to it, however, than just meeting women. Do you own your own business? Are you in sales? Do you want more guy friends to hang out with? Do you want multiple possible things to do on the weekend if one group of friends isn’t available? I think the benefits of learning to socialize versus pick up are obvious. You meet all kinds of interesting people that you can do business with, learn from, hear about cool events and venues, and of course, date.

You never know who you’re talking to and who they know. You’ll find that meeting guys or large groups in bars, clubs or at parties is not as difficult as it seems. We put far less pressure on ourselves to succeed when talking to guys and large groups are more likely to have people with whom you can connect. It’s also easier to talk with someone privately if she was with a group where her friends will entertain themselves while you get to know each other.

But let’s bring it back specifically to women. How much easier is it to talk to a girl if you are now friends with her 5 male co-workers? What about when your buddy from the bar invites you out with his sister and her friends? Or when you chat with a dude and all his friends show up? You’re now in with a large group that likely includes attractive women. You’d never have access to or at least as much credibility right off the bat with these women otherwise.

As stated before, women go where the fun goes. This is especially true in bars and clubs, but also stands up as a general rule. If you’re the friendly, fun guy in the bar, you are the party. Every group you talk to is potentially more receptive and you build internal momentum from all the chatting. Now you’ve got friends all over the place for the entire night.

If you can drop your limiting agendas, you’ll find more friends than you expected and going to bars will become a social event rather than a mission where the only outcome is success or failure.

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